Regis Philbin Signs Books on Letterman, November 7, 1990
I see a woman, a young woman, about uh 18. I would guess walking toward me and as she’s walking toward me, she’s she’s sort of doing this she’s going for something she’s got something troubling and she continues to do this and i’m thinking. Well, i’ll hang around. Let me just see what she pulls out of there, because, because it’s apparent that she is going to pull something out, she’s trying to extricate something from her sweater. I understand yeah and she’s in a lot of this and then it shifts and then it goes around, and this goes on for like a hundred yards and finally, she pulls out this thing. It’S about this long, it’s furry and it’s wiggling, no and it’s hissing and it’s kind of nipping no and it just and she’s and it’s wriggling. What is it well? She passes right by me and i said to her thinking. Well, you know you have to almost comment on this yeah. I i said to her. I said i said, oh my, what an attractive monkey uh yeah just i’m, just taking a shot that it’s a monkey fair enough and she looks at me with a great great deal of disdain and she says it’s a ferret Applause. I don’t know. I remember the old days when girls would have monkeys in their sweaters, but not anymore.
No, the pharah parrots now yeah very odd, hey! Have you seen the brand new book here paul look at this brand new book.
This is the book that you and the uh staff have yeah. You know here was the deal a couple of months ago. One of these publishing companies came to us what’s, the name of this company pocketbooks. They came to us and they dumped a lot of money. A lot of advanced money – and they said here you want some money to type up a little a book, and then nobody ever thought that it would sell right. Well, it turns out that it’s doing, okay, no really yeah it’s a ferret and then she walks. The third round she has it on a leash and she walks it through the park. She walks the ferret around yeah. She has, the ferret has a collar and a leash and she’s walking it like. You would walk a dog and then she just stuffs it into her sweater. I don’t know i don’t know i got in my car and left. I said to myself, hey. I said to myself: hey that’s what i said: hey hey, none of my business don’t leave it alone bail out of there huh. So the book is doing well. Let me see i got some uh statistics or, as we say in indiana statistics uh. I said to myself: hey statistics: hey yeah, uh it’s, published august 1st uh number one on the publisher’s weekly bestseller list; no kidding uh number two on the new york times, bestseller list in the advice and miscellaneous category; oh really yeah yeah and uh it’s in its Fourth, printing, because, as you know, the first three were smeared but um.
So anyway, it’s just you know: it’s just it’s like uh, stealing money because it’s stuff that we’ve written once already and they put a little goofy picture of me on there and then so now. At some point along the line, they thought well let’s see if we can’t turn this into a blockbuster, so they wanted to have one of those uh signing parties. You know what that oh i’ve heard about them: yeah, where they they goes to a to a store and signs the copies copies of books. For anybody who will buy it yeah, you sure you’re, not exactly a chimp yourself wow. Thank you, so we’re we’re, having one of these today over there at the barnes and noble at 48th street we’re signing today, 48th street and fifth avenue a signing party. But of course i can’t be there i’m running the big show. Well, how can you have assignments? Well, the hell hal, are you in there al turn on the external camera, tell uh how grin walled our director there. It is main floor downstairs. This is barnes and noble. This is where the big book signing is taking place and uh more books. Look at people man a lot. I hope they put on extra security and uh. We asked a friend of ours if he would help out with the signing. How do you do sir nice to see you Music, yeah yeah, if that’s not a toupee? I’M? A thousand years old, okay and let’s see how do you do sir that’s quick just get back there and see here here’s our all right? Can we get right to it? There’S our friend, regis philbin, is signing our books for us.
These three girls have tipped in to buy one book rangers nice to see you every book, i’ve sold all night. Thank you very much for your time. Uh you’re, a very important man. I appreciate you sparing us about a half an hour here tonight to sign this lame little book. Well, let me tell you what the big seller is down here. What’S up this book, david, very cute, regis, hey regis, before you, let those women go check them for ferrets and monkeys. This is great. Who are these women? This is brett michelle and tammy all right nice to have you here. Have you actually bought a copy of this book? We bought one that’s, the only one we’ve seen. Oh, you know girls that ain’t the way this works. People are coming here. Asking me for a job. Nobody wants the book. Well, listen, listen, read just buy those uh other two women, an additional copy, each of the book. I’M david. No, no, no, hey it’s an early day. But how should i sign my name? I mean how should i you know sign this uh. I don’t. I don’t care what whatever you want. Don’T make any difference to me about best wishes. What did he say? Best wishes yeah, ah good one reed he’s he’s he’s in his best and he’s best in the morning. You know he’s not usually being up this late. You know he’s about this and it’s the best when it’s earlier all right look rage if anything, interesting, it’s, a big brush.
If anything, interesting, if anything, funny, god forbid, if anything untoward happens, you let us know. Okay, ladies, thank you for being here and thanks again and anything else. You want to say no just this david, all right: okay, fine, all right, regis philbin out there at the barnes, noble signing our book; he’s uh he’s awfully nice boy to be doing that lovely guy to sub, for you at the yeah. Look at that larry’s signing them books. Lady brought a piece of paper to sign man wait a minute david. Nobody wants the book. Did she see? I knew that would happen. Regis make sure you get a receipt from these people before you sign. Did you buy a book? Lady? No, oh, come on! No, i haven’t sold a book, yet how the hell did you get in there? How did you get in here? Watch us get security over here. What what is your name? Ma’Am stephanie, kathleen, stephanie, stephanie yeah? I don’t need trouble from you, okay, regis. I got enough trouble moving books, all right, all right stephanie. Would it kill you there’s one more lady here. Thank you very much. I guess. You’Re gon na buy a book i’m buying a book. You know what that line. Looks like it’s old footage coming out of germany folks waiting to go through the wall Applause. They couldn’t be more depressed about the situation. Um let’s see all right. Regis uh, thanks we’ll check back with you later tonight.
That’S it the big brush yeah. Unless there’s technical problems, all right – david Applause – hey, you know – i think this is a pretty good show. We have marv albert iggy, papa tim, robinson and hal show them regis, philbin, regis philbin right here. Look at that there he is signing them books, this lady. Yes, this lady is buying five books, david, congratulations, ma’am! Thank you very much. I certainly appreciate it and and uh uh uh. These are discounted too aren’t they. How much? How much are these books going for? Nobody cares. You know you, you get this crap free every night on tv, uh, they’re, all frightened, they’re, all scared all right. Thank you very much. Regis philbin out there yeah paul she fixed a gaze of indignation on me and said: it’s, a ferret it’s, a ferret, but but my god. What about the rangers rangers? Look good yeah. So what are they? They’Re, like eight and four hours lost their last three uh. In fact, i’ll be headed to the garden to do a game tonight against buffalo sabres, with one of your favorite favorite, color, commentators, sal, red light, messenger right, sure, Laughter. You know salads yeah. How do you get the nickname, an old goalie in the nhl? He was a backup goaltender in the days where the backups never played right, but he was there for practice, uh and uh being an old goal. Uh. You know the red light goes on everything the park goes in yeah and the red light was on frequently with sal yeah, so a sal red light messina that the red light that pertains to the red light that would go on when a goal was scored when Sal was between the family dave.
Yes, oh thanks. Marv between the parts. You know you could be out there with regis signing books, hey let’s. What are we doing? The video tape for what? Oh? We have to do? A commercial two segments? Yes, yes, it’s a magic night, uh we’ll be back with another segment with mr albert Applause, all right, marv good, to see you as always thank you have a great year with the nba mark albert ladies Applause, Music, Music, hey let’s, go see if regis is still There, if he’s blown out of that place, hey how you doing regis nice to see you hey david we’re, really hot i’m signing this book carl’s christmas. This woman’s got a a happy birthday card to her, michael to michael. The book is selling like wildfire. Keep up the good work radius we’re, having a lovely time here in the studio, say hello to david letterman, hi nice to see you thanks for stopping by nice, to have you with us on the program tonight. Yeah thanks david thanks. You and marv were just great together. All right, see you rage: okay, okay, regis philbin. Now now what are we doing? Are they tell you about? Tonight’S show tell me about tomorrow’s show, oh you know uh. We got time for this yeah yeah. It was regis idea. Okay, let’s uh: do a commercial we’ll, be right back with iggy pop Applause, Music, uh, so it’s a band you’re having a good time, then having a great time, yeah, yeah and uh? What have you been doing? Uh, since the last time we saw you anything new in your life Applause, regis Applause something’s come up.
I think you can handle what is it david? What now? Oh, my god, uh i did. A little tv yeah made a movie well you’re out there doing it, and this stuff sounds great good to see you Applause, Music, nice, dad iggy, stop by and tell us how he spent his summer. Applause. I’M. I’M. Just thankful, william paley didn’t, have to hear this because broadcasting, you know um all right, all right, you’re uh involved in a play, a workshop in uh l.a yeah, my acting group, the actors gang is uh, doing a production of the good woman of setsvon by brecht. At the odyssey, theater good come see, you regis, we have to say goodbye regis. Thank you very much good night, hey david. I just signed this one too.